Here’s what happened to Laura that took her completely by surprise. She was able to borrow her husband’s phone to use his Apple Music account. What she found was both delightful and a bit scandalous. Laura certainly could not have known what name her husband used for her on his phone. So, she was floored when, while out on a training ride, her GPS chirped up with an incoming call from “Mayor of Pound Town.” This whole situation brought delight to all of us. It also forced partners to have a really important discussion about what they call each other in contacts.
This realization was born out of necessity, when Laura fell and broke her arm. The disaster set off a series of cascading unforeseen impacts. One particularly cringey moment came when another notification appeared on her work laptop, which is synced to her iMessage. While sharing her screen with her coworkers, a text message from “Sugar Lips” unexpectedly appeared. It made her face yet another deeply personal pet name that her husband had picked out for her. At the end of it all, Laura found out she was saved in her husband’s phone as “My Girl.”
Eloise Skinner, a psychotherapist, told The Independent that these nicknames can lead to self-fulfilling prophecies. She noted that the name a partner uses for someone in their contacts can serve as a visual symbol of their relationship. “Since the name on our phone is a visual symbol of our partner, and a reminder of our relationship with them, using personal jokes or nicknames can reflect a deeper or more intimate connection,” Skinner explained.
As an experienced registered therapist, Georgina Sturmer helped demystify the way people act when they feel insecure or anxious in their relationship. Her point of view is key to understanding these emotional challenges. She pointed out that these people tend to want comfort and love. This cute nicknames or in-jokes, this need can express itself by the desire to feel special. People who are ‘insecure-anxious’ tend to be ‘preoccupied with seeking reassurance and affection,’ she wrote.
More importantly, Sturmer noted, adopting silly names can act as a shield for some people. She said, “When we pass a measure like this, we’re really putting another layer of protection on there.” She further recommended avoiding the use of these nicknames in order to protect people from future emotional tenderness. The ‘insecure-avoidant’ individuals create emotion-minimizing distance by neutralizing contact names without warmth or emotionality.
Understanding the nuances behind how couples save one another’s names can say a lot about their relationship or lack thereof. Specifically, when one partner uses a full name as they would with any other contact, that sends a powerful signal. This kind of behavior can indicate they don’t find any additional value in that partnership. Skinner added, “If our partner uses our full name just like they would for any other contact, we might feel they don’t attribute additional value to our communication.”
As the fun names were announced publicly, Laura experienced a wave of chagrin. This experience led her to reflect on what those names meant on a deeper level. While many may see such details as trivial or private, they can reveal important facets of emotional intimacy and connection in relationships.
Leave a Reply