Emily is now preparing to marry her physician fiancé this fall. Yet, she must wrestle with an intense emotional hurdle about her recently deceased husband, Tyler. Tyler tragically passed away in a car accident five years ago, leaving Emily with cherished memories and remnants of their life together. Emily can be found excitedly planning her own cross-country wedding. While her decision to wear Tyler’s wedding ring on a necklace is an admirable gesture, it has caused friction with her new fiancé who himself struggles with the memorial.
Emily continues to have a deep bond to Tyler even years after his passing. She visits his grave on his birthday and keeps a box filled with his belongings in her closet, symbolizing her lingering affection and grief. Emily intends to use Tyler’s ring in her wedding ceremony as a symbol of their commitment to each other. To her, it’s a loving send-off to celebrate their history together as she starts a new life with her fiancé.
Recently, her fiancé has made it clear this arrangement makes him uncomfortable. He believes that wearing the ring on their special day makes him feel like he is sharing the moment with someone who is no longer there.
“I told her it makes me feel like I’m sharing the most important day of my life with someone who’s not here. I said it makes me feel like second place,” – The Groom
Colm doesn’t approve of her decision, he understands and respects Emily’s choice to celebrate her previous marriage. He gets where she’s coming from on grieving, like you can’t just flip a switch and turn that off or ignore it.
“She said grief isn’t a door you close — it just becomes part of who you are. I get that. I really do,” – The Groom
Still, the fiancé wonders if wearing the ring is really the right way to honor Tyler. He wants their wedding day to be about their future together and not about Emily’s past.
“I don’t think I’m asking something outrageous by wanting this one day — our day — to be about the life we’re building together, not the one she lost,” – The Groom
Even as Emily’s fiancé tries to come to terms with these emotions, he has been understandably outraged by the case. Initially, he was on-board with Emily’s upfront disclosure regarding her past marriage. Now, he fears that this ring could imply that she’s still in love with Tyler.
“There’s been one thing that’s been eating at me,” – The Groom
The fiancé suggested looking for other, more constructive ways for Emily to celebrate Tyler’s life and legacy. • Instead of wearing his ring on their wedding day, friends suggested lighting a candle in his honor. Many proponents on social media express this feeling. They insist that the wedding is not about them, that it should be about the couple’s commitment to one another.
“Your wedding is inherently, implicitly and factually about your relationship together and her late husband shouldn’t be a part of it,” – Top Commenter
Emily isn’t too shaken though, she knows she made the right choice and that remembering Tyler doesn’t mean she loves her fiancé any less. She argues that she is not deciding between two loves, but rather incorporating her history into her current life.
“She got very quiet, then told me that she wasn’t ‘choosing’ him over me, and that she’s allowed to honor her past while still moving forward,” – The Groom
Now the couple must deal with the distressing emotional turmoil that results. To reconcile their incompatible beliefs and respect both Emily’s recollections of Tyler and her current fiancé’s wishes to his future marriage, they are actively seeking couples therapy.
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