Jeanne Phillips, who most of you probably know as Abigail Van Buren, is living with strain in her blended family. Her only opposition in life right now is her daughter, Charly. The roots of this conflict often stem from differing views on interpersonal relationships and personal space. In turn, both sides end up feeling disrespected.
Charly and her partner have been in a committed relationship for at least 2 years. Yet, she’s apprehensive about visiting them overnight at her parents’ home. Charly’s partner is deeply uncomfortable with strangers in their home. Due to this monumental change, the couple has made hard and fast rules to keep their privacy intact. They’ve been clear, too, that they won’t go to Charly’s parents’ home unless they’re able to sleep in the same bed. This request only further complicates an already politicized and tense relationship.
What incumbers the situation even more, though, is Charly’s parent’s history. She lives with her husband of 19 years in the Tidewater region of Virginia. She hasn’t celebrated one-on-one with Charly since her daughter moved out of state 12 years ago. More recently, she’s entered into a new relationship with a gentler, more loving soul named Grayson. They’ve been living together for the past four months. This new relationship has only exacerbated the already fraught family tensions.
Charly’s parent reflects on a previous visit when she and her partner stayed with Charly and her partner. They all slept in the same bed that entire time. This structure doesn’t appear to have spared anyone from the emotional pain inflicted on Charly’s partner.
Jeanne Phillips writes the syndicated advice column Dear Abby, which her mother Pauline Phillips originally created in 1956. In her Consumer Correspondent column, she frequently addresses issues facing families. She advocates for more honest conversations among family members to create empathetic understanding, including about these internalized conflicts. Readers can write to her via dearabby.com. They can mail in their letters to P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
The deeper issues in this family dynamic point to larger issues of security and ease in interpersonal relationships. Charly becomes involved in toxic relationships, usually picking men who have abused her. This unrealized potential, considering what she has before her, provides her an opportunity to think deeply and figure out how to evolve herself.
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