In the evolving landscape of digital dating, relationship experts highlight a concerning trend: curiosity is diminishing. Today, singles rely on social media more than ever to vet a potential match. Yet, they usually self-destruct their first dates by giving too much info and being too focused on the ex. According to experts like Dr. Terri Orbuch and Anna Morgenstern, engagement is a key ingredient in effective conversations. Their advice is to not be afraid to create mystery or wonder.
Dr. Terri Orbuch, a relationship expert at DatingAdvice.com, shared the biggest dating mistake. Most of us overshare at least a little too soon. This can result in uninspired public discussions, where very little remains to be revealed or discovered. “You don’t want to share why previous relationships didn’t work and what isn’t going well right now in your life,” Orbuch advises. Overloading them with negative information will scare them off and make things uncomfortable.
Morgenstern, an experienced matchmaker, chips in here to say that people can’t help but be attracted to those who bring energy, positivity and optimism. “On first dates, people are attracted to daters who are positive, optimistic, and hopeful,” she notes. This narrow view of the first date ignores the fact that dating should be fun and relaxing. As a result, it should really be about having fun—not picking apart producers’ previous missteps.
Social pressure, increased expectations to make a great first impression can cause nervousness, anxiety, and freaking out. Both experts are in accord that the most egregious mistake is badmouthing former partners. These issues not only take the attention off this developing relationship, but can create a negative first impression as well. Orbuch emphasizes the need to gather information about the other person instead, stating, “You want to gather information about the other person and women are particularly attracted to people who ask questions and are interested in them.”
Unsurprisingly, social media has changed the dating game entirely. Many individuals conduct extensive online research about their dates, often leading to an overwhelming knowledge of their personal lives before even meeting. “If you’re looking for an ick on a potential date, you’ll find one and the date will be pretty boring if you’ve already found out everything about them,” warns Morgenstern. Too much over-vetting can suck the life out of the excitement of discovery that goes with first encounters.
Orbuch additionally wants daters to know that chemistry and attraction don’t always happen right away. This is an unrealistic expectation and only really happens in Hollywood. Chemistry and attraction can develop over time as you become familiar with another person,” she says. By creating space for intentional intimacy, people can learn to build more meaningful relationships instead of speeding past shallow interactions.
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