In a recent Ask Abby column, that’s exactly what advice columnist Abigail Van Buren—also known as Jeanne Phillips—does for one reader in distress. This young reader’s best friend has totally missed the mark and made her feel incredibly invalidated. Our sign-on letter speaks a bit to some of the complexities of chronic illness and friendship. It helps highlight the struggles folks face when living with chronic conditions.
The letter’s author, who has been at the same job for more than two decades, has a large bank of vacation days accrued. She usually doesn’t do long stretches away—she just prefers to work in single days here and there. A little less than a month ago, she started having body aches all over, so she finally opened up to her closest friend, Bianca. Although we know she’s using her voice to let us know when she’s not comfortable, if she has only squeaked a handful of times in a three-week period.
On a visit last month, the author told Bianca that she was under the weather. In response, Bianca reportedly dismissed her feelings, stating, “Stop saying that. Sick, sick, sick. No! Better to say that you are in pain but not sick!” This response made the letter writer feel invalidated and unsure how to convey her lived experiences in a way that is clear.
Pauline Phillips was the original writer of the “Dear Abby” column. It has emerged as a thriving online forum for those looking for help with personal problems. Readers can find “Dear Abby” on the web at DearAbby.com. Or, they can email questions in advance to: barrage@climateaction.org
Because chronic illnesses are not always externally apparent, the people who suffer from them face barriers when it comes to communicating their suffering to the outside world. The tension in this friendship underscores a broader societal challenge: understanding and validating the experiences of individuals with chronic conditions.
Leave a Reply