Nicky Wake, a 53-year-old UK-based widow, is unapologetically pursuing her deepest longing and journey of restoration. She’s been finding her way through the world after losing her husband, Andy, who died in 2020 at age of 54 from complications due to COVID-19. Before his illness, their heated and fulfilling sex life became essential in framing Wake’s path through grief. This experience played a significant role in her re-entry into the dating world as well. In a mind-boggling coincidence, she just ended up having a threesome with a woman she met on an adult dating website. She could certainly feel him during the encounter, that’s for sure.
Prior to Andy’s dissolution into illness, Wake referred to their partnership as profoundly loving and mutually satisfying. “Before Andy got sick, we had an active, fulfilling sex life,” she said. For two decades their friendship inspired, sustained, and galvanized each man’s artistic output. Now, even posthumously, Wake continues to celebrate his life while striving to achieve her own ambitions.
In addition to losing her husband, Wake quickly realized she was a jittery amateur in the world of dating. At 49, she did something brave—she re-joined the dating scene. She was open about her bisexuality and had proudly identified as bisexual on many dating and romance platforms. She had dated women before and was excited to lean into this part of her identity again. “It was a little bit less intimidating to reach out to a woman,” she said.
In response, Wake started an advocacy website, Widow’s Fire. Its mission is to empower widows and widowers to maintain their sparkle after losing a spouse. By motivating its users to be honest with themselves about their needs and goals, the platform creates a safe space full of people on similar journeys. She appreciated me for being vulnerable. When I told her that I didn’t want this to feel sad, she said she’d be honored to help me not feel grief as we started this beautiful shared experience.
The woman Nicky connected with on the romance site showed interest in both Nicky and her deceased spouse. Upon seeing Andy’s picture, she commented on its beauty and revealed that she would have been happy to engage with both of them if he were still alive. Inspired by this exchange, we opened the door to making Wake’s longtime dream come true and having him, Andy, and another woman engage in a threesome.
Wake went on to share his concerns with introducing a third person into their life-affirming, loving and enriching partnership. He envisioned it as a unique, fun, special occasion treat – and role – to remember. In addition, she mused on the fact that just a short time before she had laughed about taking Andy to something like this for his 60th birthday!
The two women went on to have a threesome in Andy’s memory, with Wake later saying she felt Andy’s spirit with them. I don’t have a belief in a literal afterlife, but he was there, she said, as we started having sex. It felt as though Andy’s spirit were there too, pushing her to find happiness again. I could literally hear him when he said, ‘You are entitled to happiness, just don’t forget about me,’” Wake remembered.
Wake hopes that other Americans who have lost loved ones can be moved to action by hearing her story. She challenges them to investigate their own motivations and be honest about their circumstances. She feels strongly that it is important for people to be able to reclaim their sexuality and happiness after losing someone so deeply and unexpectedly.
I don’t want them to be ashamed about wanting to get happy again,” she added. Her experience is a beautiful reminder of how love can find us in unexpected ways, even after we experience loss. Artist Nicky Wake, through her website, has been promoting transparency around the conversations we have about our desires. She pays tribute to the lives of her family members through her advocacy journey.
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